Age Difference My Ass
by Mike The Red Engine
Summary: Barney's been feeling super nervous around the only female Expendable; so will a night of drinking get him to spill the beans? Rated M for Sex and Secrets Revealed


**A/N: Hey guys, we are back with another romantic story, but this time, it's from The Expendables 3.**

 **The character's I'm writing about are Barney and Luna, I loved their reactions so much (just like Maggie's Sexy Italiano) I decided to make a full on love story after the Stonebanks job.**

 **Now like before, if you don't like these and are not a fan of these at all; because this is a major smut,** _ **ABANDON SHIP**_ **!**

 **I'll try to make this a chapter story, if not then I guess it'll be a one-shot, you be the judge and decide.**

 **Any who, let's get onto this story, I shall see you….AT THE BOTTOM!**

Barney was sitting on his couch in his 2 bedroom apartment, thinking of how one of his co-workers stole his heart. In fact, it was the _only_ female on his team who had recently helped him kill Conrad Stonebanks months ago. He couldn't stop thinking about her blonde hair, her 63cm waist and _especially_ those nice breasts she has. There were many things running through the veterans mind, like how hard he almost got when she kissed his cheek in Rusty's bar after returning from the Stonebanks job, her attractive body in that red dress while wiping out those assholes in the New York club where he met her at with Bonaparte: especially her fighting skills when they apprehended Stonebanks the first time.

"Fuck, why is this bothering me so fucking much! I'm a 68 year old man having trouble thinking about my only female teammate and to add insult to injury, I'm very horny about it as well!" Barney groaning loudly to no one in particular, as he then heard his stomach growl for food. He decided to get out of the apartment and go for a drive on his bike towards the local BBQ place down the road from where he lived. _Maybe some food will take my mind off of this bullshit_ , Barney thought as he made his way downstairs to his bike, which was parked in the little lot next to the building.

As he was pulling out of the lot, he heard his phone vibrate. It was from none other than Luna herself, Barney's eyes widened to the text, it said: _Hey Barney, I was wondering if you wanted to get a bite to eat or something at Blue Oak BBQ, you down?_ Barney wasn't sure if he was _down_ to go eat with the woman who stole his heart months ago, sure he hadn't dated in decades but that didn't stop him from driving miss daisy from time to time. Barney bit his lip for a solid second before at least typing: _Sure_. He truthfully loved her, but she was young enough to be his daughter, so the whole age difference thing would probably be brought back up.

He sighed and made his way towards the restaurant, he was figuring out what he would he say to the 27 year old woman, hopefully nothing to make an ass out of himself.

He shook away the thoughts as he pulled up to the place. As he parked his bike and looked around for Luna, he saw a skinny woman's ass in blue jeans peering out from her car door. That ass turned out to be...Luna's! She was bent down, looking into her car while her ass was perfectly shaped, Barney could not stop staring and swallowed with silence as she then began to back out. She then began to face the veteran with a friendly smile.

"We going in or you wanna keep staring at me like that?" Luna giggled as Barney was dumbfounded hence to how she knew he was staring. The veteran just got off the bike and followed the blonde into the restaurant, trying not to look at her ass simultaneously.

Barney had not eaten BBQ in years, ever since Tool had decided to treat him to some dinner with his 35th girlfriend, which had actually lasted a year before leaving him. They were greeted by the manager, who apparently was working the front temporarily but shot them a look because of the age difference. He shrugged his shoulders slightly and led them to their table, as they were following the manager to their table, there were 20 something year old guys throwing the wolf whistle and yelling either 'take your top off' or 'come get this dick sweet thang' bullshit. It really got to Barney, he always had a thing for stepping in if guys start grabbing on women he knew or not, but he also knew Luna wasn't weak: she was combat proficient and could hold her own in a fight if needed.

"So...how you been these past couple months, Barney?" Luna asked with such care as said man just gazed into her eyes and was lost in a world of euphoria. Luna raised her eyebrows to the veteran and snapped her fingers in his face to get his attention. "You ok, Barney?" Luna asked as he snapped out of a trance he somewhat didn't remember going into.

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just a little tired-" Barney started to say before his stomach grumbled. "-and hungry too." Luna just smiled and looked down at the menu the manager brought. "I'm thinking of just getting the Roasted Garlic Mac & Cheese with a beer. What about you?" Luna asked as Barney looked up while trying not to stare at her eyes, or her breasts. "Uhh...probably a beer and the prime chopped brisket." Barney said while trying to keep his composure. _How can a lady this hot make a man this hard by just talking and giving you the right looks,_ Barney said mentally as a young man about in his mid-20's came up with a nametag and the restaurants uniform on.

"Good afternoon, my name is Daniel and I'll be your waiter. Can I start you guys off with a beverage?" Tyler asked as Barney tried to show courtesy.

"Uhh, yeah. Can we get two Heinekens?" Barney asked as Daniel wrote down the order.

"Alrighty, I'll be back with your beers in a jiffy." Daniel stated as he went to fetch their beers, as well as get stopped by some other 20 something year olds asking where the bathroom was, probably going in there to rub one out or even watch porn on their phones.

"So, how are things outside of work?" Barney asked as Luna thought for a moment before giving her answer.

"Things are good, I've been hit on a couple times when going to either check the mail or go grocery shopping, but other than that, things are smooth sailing." Luna replied with a smile truthful smile. Barney's mood changed due to the woman's info, but she could stand up for herself if necessary. "So, if I may ask, have you-" Barney began to say before being cockblocked by the waiter bringing them their drinks.

"Here are your drinks, now what can I get for you two?" Daniel stated as Luna brought her menu up to order her food. As she was ordering, Barney caught at the corner of his eye that a guy around 26-27 years old, wearing a white tank top and was tattooed on his arms, was giving Luna the hardcore 'I wanna bend you over and fuck you raw' stare, but Barney's eyes were trained on this guy. "Barney, you gonna order?" Luna asked as she and the waiter were confused by Barney's eyes.

"Uh, yeah sorry. I'll take the prime chopped brisket with a slice of cornbread." Barney managed to get out as the waiter wrote down their orders. "You were saying before we were 'rudely' interrupted." Luna asked as Barney scratched the back of his head, mostly in embarrassment.

"I-It's nothing, just let it go." Barney politely said as the 25-year-old just nodded.

The two chatted about nothing in particular while they waited for their food, just stupid shit about their past and embarrassing stuff mixed into it as well. But what really got Barney by the balls was his greatest fear, which Luna was sporting a small evil grin by the look on the older man's face.

"Uhhh, can we go into something that isn't about something we fear?" Barney pleaded, hoping that the woman sitting in front of him wouldn't get the best of him.

"What's wrong boss, afraid I might... _spill the beans_ to Mars, Smilee and Thorn." Luna continued as she then heard the waiter bring them their food.

"Alrighty, we have the Roasted Garlic Mac & Cheese as well as the Prime Chopped Brisket with cornbread." Daniel noted as he set the food down to their respectful owners.

"Enjoy your meal." Daniel finally stated as Barney sighed with relief internally. Now that the young waiter was gone, he could continue the question he was ask Luna before he got cockblocked.

"You were saying before you were 'rudely' interrupted." Luna said sweetly as Barney took a swig of his beer, obviously not wanting to be embarrassed. "I-It's nothing, just forget it." Barney stated as he looked away from Luna.

Luna didn't like seeing Barney this way, but she was determined to find out what was eating the man. "Barney...please tell me what's going." She asked with concern in her voice, as Barney couldn't bear to ignore the voice one bit.

"I-I can't, it's just ridiculous." Barney said while looking down at his food, the 25-year-old was now very concerned for her boss. The veteran just wanted to swipe everything off the table and get pretty busy on it with Luna, but it would ruin their relationship as boss and employee. He rarely had time to himself to ever have a date at his house or even take a woman out to eat, and it was all because of the work getting in the way.

"You don't have to tell me, Barney. Let's just finish eating so we can skedaddle outta here." Luna said as Barney nodded. The two then finished their food and had some more beers before Barney got drunk enough to the point where Luna had to call a cab before her boss got into a fight.

Barney was shitfaced while Luna got a bit of a buzz off the booze. She had called a friend and had her brother tow their vehicles back to Luna's place.

She had brought Barney to the extra bed she had kept in her house that she didn't need while she went to sleep herself. She didn't know for sure what was going on with Barney, but she didn't wanna get into his private life.

Many hours later, it was night time; close to midnight and Luna went to check on Barney. The guy sounded like a lawnmower when he snored for fuck sakes. She just loves how Barney smiles and flexes his muscles; she had always wanted a guy who was that nice and had a little bit of old spice as well under those pits.

She peeked in the extra room and saw the man sitting up in the bed, confused of when he got here and where he was. "Hey…" Luna said after a while, which got Barney's attention.

"Hey. When did I get here?" He asked as Luna told him what happened. It surprised the man; it took the manager and another employee to help the woman get him into a taxi and back to her house. "Wow, I didn't realize I almost got into a fight earlier at lunch." Barney said before feeling he had to run for the bathroom and empty his insides.

After puking, he wiped his mouth while Luna sat down on the side of the tub. She handed him a brand new toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwash. He went straight to brushing his teeth twice and almost using the whole bottle of mouthwash; which Luna didn't mind, she had more in her closet.

As soon as Barney was done, he went to the kitchen where Luna was, drinking a cold glass of water. "Again, thanks." Barney said as Luna smiled in response. Luna actually needed to take a shower so she wouldn't smell for her sister's party the next afternoon. "Well Barney, I actually need to go take a shower, so I'll be out in a bit." When Luna said that, Barney started to almost get hard again, but he kept his composure and nodded slightly.

As he watched her hips sway from side to side, he just wanted to fuck her right there. It drove him fucking nuts; he had a friend who he can call to see what he could do. It was going to be a bit embarrassing, it should be vice versa because his 'said' friend was in his early 20's and in college.

He called him and waited for him to pick up. After a minute or so, he heard someone on the other line. "Hey, you reached Matty, how can I help you?" The man named Matty asked as Barney groaned internally. "It's Barney. Listen kid, I need some advice."

The two talked for a while, not caring how long. Barney explained his problem and how hard it was to ignore, all while Matty listened. "Well old man, you...need to get laid!" Matty chuckled as Barney wanted to reach through the phone and choke the kid out, like he saw in the old Looney Tunes shows he watched growing up. "Geez, is that the problem? Thanks for explaining it kid!" Barney said sarcastically as Matty calmed down enough to put on his serious tone.

"But seriously, tell her how you feel so you can get those weights lifted off your shoulders." Matty said in a concerned tone while Barney listened carefully.

"Well, that's the problem. I don't know how she'll take it. Besides, she's 27 and I'm 68; there is a huge fucking age difference." Barney explained while Luna was listening in; towel wrapped around her waist and gob smacked.

"I really do love her, Matty, but let's face it; she's young enough to be my daughter or hell even my granddaughter." Barney said as Luna gasped mentally, she didn't know her boss loved her back. She had to tell him she felt the same way, only if she could.

"Anyway, I gotta go. See ya around kid." Barney concluded as he hung the phone. "Is it true, Barney?" Luna finally said, as she looked like she was going to start crying.

Barney was shocked and looked towards the woman. He felt like he was caught with his dick out, he didn't know what to say. She was listening in on him!

"Luna...I….how long?" It was all Barney could spit out before Luna stepped forward; adjusting her towel a bit as she stepped forward.

"I heard _everything_. Do you really love me, Barney Ross?" Luna asked as a tear fell down her face. He nodded and the young Expendable wrapped her arms around the man's neck and slowly but softly cried tears of joy into his shirt.

She looked up at him with tears on her face and smiled. "I love you too Barney. I've loved you since the day I laid my eyes on you." Luna said as Barney pulled her into a gentle kiss.

The kiss lasted for a minute before Barney inched his way down to her neck, nipping along the way. Luna knew what he was doing and she felt like getting super fruity. She inched her hand towards his cock which Barney felt and went super wide eyed.

Luna just had an evil grin on her face. "Why don't we take this to my bedroom so we can…"

Luna paused for a slight second to aggressively lick Barney's neck leaving a tiny saliva trail where she just licked. "...resume our fun."

"But, what about our ages? It'll be obvious when other women look at us if we're a couple." Barney asked as Luna kissed him on the cheek. "Age Difference My Ass." Luna said as Barney didn't need to be told twice and he picked her up while they kissed once more. As they entered the woman's bedroom, Barney set her down at the lip of the bed and let her do her work. Her lips were ready to get to working on his hard cock; because as she slid his pants down, he was ready and hard with a bit a pre for her to lick at the tip. When she did, she giggled a little as she heard Barney hiss and shudder; he tasted good too. She took him all in her mouth and began drowning him with all her saliva; she also made sure not to leave his balls out as well. Barney took the time to try and pull off her towel, but was stopped by her hand.

"You're an impatient old man, huh Barney?" Luna chuckled as the man just smiled and kissed her on the cheek. She got up and dropped her towel to the ground, letting the man see every inch of her body. Luna then laid down on the bed and spread her legs open wide for her boss to admire. "Eat me out, I need it." Luna pleaded while Barney did so. He was having the dinner he would never finish, and he was going to enjoy this.

Every brush of his tongue against her womanhood made Luna moan and groan. She even grabbed a fistful of Barney's hair to keep her from going absolutely ape shit. "I can't take this anymore Barney! Please, I wanna be yours!" Luna whimpered as Barney took off the remainder of his clothes, ready for the sweaty action that would hit him.

He slid his rock hard member into Luna, which made her cry out due to her being a virgin; now she was no longer one. Barney immediately stopped when he heard her cries, but she gave him a look that told him right there and then that it was ok to continue. The man bent down and kissed her once more to assure her that he loved her.

As he moved his hips slowly, Luna felt like he was teasing her, but he was actually taking it slow because he hadn't had sex in decades. Barney rubbed her clit in fast circles to pleasure her as best he could.

Luna made a whole song of moans and yelps from her man pleasuring her. Barney had wondered what he was missing all his life; he missed all of it, the moans of the lady he was with, the sweating and the climaxing. "Barney, please…I wanna ride you!" Luna whimpered loudly as the older man picked her up and with quick thinking, he sat on the edge of the bed with Luna on his cock riding him like crazy.

Barney had his hands on her lower back, while Luna pulled him into a good juicy kiss. Their tongues danced in a sea and they were happy; no one to interrupt their time and they had all night to fuck each other's brains out, or at least Luna could suck Barney dry full of whatever he had left in him. "Lay down on the bed; and I'll do the rest." Luna said while panting a bit as Barney did so; laying back while watching Luna turn her body around in a reverse cowgirl position. The veteran had put his hands behind his head to get comfortable while watching the 27-year-old ride him furiously.

"You like that Barney? You like how my body turns you on?" Luna asked seductively as Barney couldn't even move his head to face her, nor even respond to her question; he was in euphoria at that moment. Luna turned back around to continue riding Barney; it felt so good that she was having sex with her man and for no one to judge the age difference between them. She had her hands planted on his chest and moved her rear end on his member; getting closer to their climaxes by each second. "Oh my-Fuck!" Barney grunted as he held the woman's ass in place as she kept moving up and down; he still couldn't believe this moment was happening.

Then, a familiar feeling was starting to return in his southern regions as Luna eyed him with worry, but it was soon replaced with comfort. "Luna, I'm gonna cum!" Barney half whispered as Luna gave a sign of approval, just by her moans while she also was gonna release as well. "Me too Barney!" She replied to the man as they started to go faster.

Luna kept the pace up as she continued to ride her man while Barney had his hands placed on her ass; maybe even leaving marks. The two felt their climaxes rushing quickly, so it'd be appropriate to climax in unison. The two finally climaxed as Luna threw her head back and Barney rubbing her soft breasts and stomach, while panting.

"I love you so much, Barney Ross." Luna said sweetly as the two got under the covers of her white queen bed. "I love you too, Luna." Barney replied as the two kissed once more. "My real name is Sadie 'Luna' Audrey. I just let use Luna as my codename, nickname and middle name." Luna replied as she snuggled into the man's warmth and let him wrap his arms around her. "I had no idea, but it's a cute name though." Barney said as the two fell asleep in each other's arms.

 **The Next Morning**

It was close to 8am when the two love birds awoke. Luna rolled out of bed smoothly and enough to not wake Barney as she slipped into the bathroom to take a shower. As she turned the water on and got in, she felt a disturbance in her shower time; it turned to be her lover standing there and smiling.

"Got room for one more?" Barney said sweetly as Luna giggled and motioned for him to come into the shower. Barney got in and admired the woman's wet body; he got super hard and just wanted to fuck her right there in the shower. "After we're done, do you want pancakes, eggs and bacon for breakfast, honey?" Luna asked while applying shampoo do her hair, while Barney had a small confused look on his face due to the 'honey' part. "Sure, sweetie." Barney replied as he played along. He would have to get used to doing the 'honey, sweetie' names and all that bullshit since Luna and him were dating.

After their shower, Luna remembered she had a pair of fresh boxers, t-shirts and pajama bottoms for Barney since her old roommate had left them there, and apparently were Barney's size as well. Luna had gotten out the stuff for breakfast and began making Barney his food.

"I really appreciate it your love, Luna." Barney said as he lightly wrapped his arms around her slender waist and kissed her neck, making her moan. "You're welcome, Barney." Luna said as she continued making the man's breakfast.

The two had told everyone else about their love, which they congratulated them on it; especially Tool. And the two had made a romantic oath to always watch each other's backs when on ops, they loved each other no matter what.

 **A/N: And…DONE!**

 **Please leave a review on this and tell me what you thought.**

 **I had fun writing this and I might do more in the future.**

 **Now, I gotta get going, so…ADIOS AMIGOS!**


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